my granddad just called me to tell me how big his cauliflowers are growing and it was so cute theyre “TWICE as big as the ones you get in the shop”
i told my granddad this post has 3,500 notes and he said ‘who are they? do i know them?’ he wanted me to list everyone and see if he knew anyone
I’m really doubting myself and everything today and it’s kinda ruining me right now haha ha hahaha. :-)
BREAKING NEWS: if you ever judge anyone based on the number of sexual partners they’ve had, you’re a complete imbecile.
I beg to differ.
If someone has had more than one hundred thousand sexual partners I will absolutely judge them because that is impressive as hell.
I was expecting that to go somewhere else than it did and I’m pleased with the ending
Diego Simeone: I'll take him on loan, & him on loan, & oh yeah, this guy too. *gets into random fight*
Carlo Ancelotti: My squad is set, I don't need-- *Perez crashes through glass ceiling* "Hey Carlo, soooo I was out with some chicas & long story short I got us a new striker"
Jose Mourinho: Welcome our new player, he's 50, I coached him once 20 years ago.
Brendan Rogers: Have you never heard of him & is he under 24? Perfect.
Pep Guardiola: Buy a defender? This is just a concept of a small mind, we can all be defenders. Just watch, I will take this forward and convert him to defender.
Klopp: Go ahead, take my guys, idgaf, I'll just get new ones, I will never die, thiS. IS. SPARTA!!!!!
Arsene Wenger: hmmm...
Arsene Wenger: I mean he's not even French...
Arsene Wenger: *sighs*
Arsene Wenger: Okay, maybe-- *transfer period is closed* oh thank god
albus severus potter, you were named after two of my most problematic faves